What Would You Do?

I called my gyno with a random question and the nurse tells me I need to make an appointment for an endometrial biopsy.

The polyp the doctor had seen the last time is apparently still there.

I thought the thing was gone.

The doctor didn’t mention it after my sonohistogram and to me, no news is good news. I’d decided it meant she’d made a mistake and there never had been a polyp at all.

I make the appointment and wait for my insides to get scraped and sent to pathology.

I’m not worried about the outcome. These things are almost always benign.

But every now and again I think to myself, what if it isn’t?

What would I do?

It’s a question we’ve all asked ourselves. It’s hard to know without a real possibility in front of you.

What would I do?

Stop worrying. That’s the first thing.

Stop caring what other people think. That’s the second.

Next?

Have fun. Anything fun goes.

Maybe take a hip hop class.

Train for a triathlon.

Go back in the water and face those crazy waves.

What if the board hits me in the face again?

So my nose breaks. I’ll get it fixed.

If my teeth fall out? I’ll get dentures.

If I look funny, what a waste of time to care.

To stop worrying is to unclench our hearts. It’s the best thing we can do.

It’s tough when our life expectancy reaches out in front of us, and we need enough money to get us safely to the end. We’re in a race to cross the finish line, our arms stuffed with money.

We spend our days wanting people to love us and we try to make it easy for them by looking good.

All this wanting, planning, unconscious worrying drains the life out of us.

And it doesn’t get us what we want. It tightens us.

We need to let our hearts breathe, to give our hearts a break and stop grasping for safety, love, money.

I go for my appointment soon and I’m strangely OK with whatever the outcome is.

Feel free to share your experiences. I know you have them, and who knows who you might be helping by sharing.