I had another "house" dream this morning with a recurring theme.
I was moving away from the area I lived and before I did, I bought a suite of rooms in a historic hotel there. The hotel had many beautiful elements to it, and so did my apartment, but there were parts that were uninhabitable as well.
Some of the rooms needed so much work, they wouldn't be lived in. They weren't dangerous, just uncomfortable, cold, and not pretty. It was more than just a matter of painting the walls and sweeping the floor. These rooms were structurally beautiful, but there was something fundamentally flawed about them, and they could not be changed by me. Other rooms had masterful intricacies built in with unworldly colors that couldn't be found anywhere else. These parts were incomparable works of art.
But the front door was broken and couldn't be locked.
The result was I couldn't tell if no one would want to live there, or if they'd feel crazy not to live there. Because I couldn't figure that out, I couldn't figure out what the rent should be, so I didn't try finding a renter for a while.
Finally I remembered this investment I'd made and went down to check on it, only to find a squatter.
I told her she had to leave and she wouldn't. She said she'd lived there for years. It was her home and she wouldn't go. This person in my dream was played by the actress Rebel Wilson, who doesn't fit the Hollywood stereotype (she's heavy), but she's hilarious. She lives her life. She has a great career being herself without altering her behavior to fit what the mass media deems acceptable.
She doesn't even see that her home isn't perfect. The beauty is where she lives.
I said you have to go or pay the rent because I won't pay for you to live here.
Her friend was there and agreed with me she should pay the rent.
She asked me how much.
I looked down at a paper I'd figured it out on and it was either $1900 per month or twice that. The way I'd written it was unclear and I couldn't remember which was correct to cover my expenses and earn a little bit from it.
I felt I had to answer right away or she'd refuse to pay, but I didn't want to give the impression I didn't know the value of what I had.
The recurring part is the house that has both unimaginably beautiful elements to it and uninhabitable ones, and the question, is it a gift to live here or does it not make sense? Is it OK to live without safety (a front door that won't lock) in a house with rooms you don't even want to enter but also breathtaking beauty, or is it better to be safe in a comfortable but unremarkable home?
Interesting dream. I'm not an expert in dreams by any measure but I wonder if you really know that this beautiful house is not really where you should be, one of the first sentences you state 'but there was something fundamentally flawed about them, and they could not be changed by me'. If something is fundamentally flawed then can it be fixed at all?
ReplyDeleteI think I'm not supposed to try to change what I can't change, but rather live in the beauty. After all, it is an incomparable home …thoughts?
ReplyDeleteI think you're right, you're not supposed to try to change that which you can't. but can you live comfortably in the beauty if there is no security? maybe that's it, we have to learn to not be afraid and live in the beauty and have faith that we are where we should be????
ReplyDeleteIt's like the line from Strictly Ballroom. A life lived in fear is a life half lived.
DeleteAddendum to this post. It's a question of to live or not to live. All of life is a risk. We can hide and be safe, but that's not living. We've chosen to incarnate for a reason, and life is a great adventure that, by default, requires risk.
ReplyDeleteAddendum two: "She doesn't even see that her home isn't perfect. The beauty is where she lives." This is a map for living a life without regret. There are things in life we all fear, but we don't have to focus on the fearful parts; instead, we can choose to focus on the awesome parts. My family recently went on a road trip to Vermont. We had to drive part of the way in the rain, which gave me some anxiety (fear of slipping in a car!). I chose to focus instead on the lovely time my family had on vacation, rather than the part that I found somewhat fearful. Approaching all of life this way, all the decisions we need to make, can help us to truly live the life we came here to experience. Why does the fear need to be there at all? It's so uncomfortable. I think because of balance. The other side of the loveliness-of-the-vacation coin are the bits that make me uncomfortable: the drive, the unknowns, and so forth. The more we surrender needing control, the less power the fear and anxiety will have over us.
ReplyDeleteAddendum three: "I didn't want to give the impression I didn't know the value of what I had." What I had is a beautiful life that comes with challenges that needn't, and shouldn't, keep one from fully being in that beautiful life.
ReplyDelete