A New Mantra

Everyone around me is having an identity crisis.

I should qualify that statement.

The younger people I work with having been coming into my office lately, upset over perceived failures.

Why didn't I get that fellowship? How could someone have beat my high school track record? If I'm not the best at what I'm doing, who am I anymore?

They're out of college, have been in the workforce a couple of years and are struggling to define themselves in this new phase when someone isn't giving them letter grades all the time for what they do.

I keep explaining that "failure" is a good thing, it's informational. But it's not really the loss of an opportunity that's bothering them.

It's the need for approval from an external source that they're no longer getting that's making them crazy. 

I said to one of my younger colleagues that she's giving other people the power to decide who she is, and that's an awful lot of power. I believe the exact words I used were, who wants to work for an idiot who can't see you're amazing?

She saw the light.

Her new mantra is, fuck them, who are they?

This, I realized, is an incredibly important mantra. It echos the mantra, om mani padme om - what I seek is within.

How many bad decisions do we make based on our perception of how we'll be perceived by others if we don't make these choices?

In our culture, what kind of life is perceived as successful? 

I think this is why we had the housing bubble. People bought houses way beyond their means because the chance was made available to them, even though this was nowhere close to their best interest.

Why?

Now the reverse is true and people are into microhomes. Little teeny tiny homes because they're rejecting the large-home culture that just chewed them up and spit them out.

So, it's not the size of the house that people really care about. Big, little. They're both just extremes and not a realistic assessment of what's best for their needs.

What drives that behavior? What could make someone sign a mortgage for a home they'd need three jobs to afford?

What other people will think of them.

If I have a big house, I will be perceived as fill in the blank (smart; capable; a meaningful, productive member of society). If I have a teeny tiny house people will perceive me as hip, socially conscious, responsible.

This is why Facebook sucks up so much of people's time. It's a quick and easy way to attempt to influence the way people perceive us. But most posts actually come across as sad, needy and transparent.

Try the new mantra out - fuck them, who are they? Or stick with the classic, om mani padme om.

It's freedom.