U'pap

I called my momster the other day to say happy birthday (two Pisces in my immediate family, good God ...) and she very proudly said to me, tennim u'pap. This is her Italian-dialect way of saying, "we have a pope."

"So?" I said.

Really, I wasn't sure what to do those days we were pope-less. I walked around in a fog, waiting for someone to tell me what I should think.

And then, because she sounded as though the ground beneath her feet was less shaky now that her world had been popified, I said, "and he's against gay marriage," internally snapping my fingers three times.

My way of saying, he's as ignorant as all the popes who came before him.

When I last spoke with my dad, he felt the need to talk to me about the pope too. Why do they do this? They know it's gonna be a fight.

He said this pope allowed people to kiss his face. Because he's so humble, and amazing. The people could actually touch him.

You know where my mind immediately went. I'm sure this pope has no problem letting people kiss his face. Priests don't come across to me as being especially picky about people kissing them.

But, I stopped myself from getting into that argument with pops.

So, the pope, the biggest priest of all, is supposed to be like Jesus here on earth.

The way I understand the story, Jesus lived a very humble life. 

Born with the animals in a manger. Son of a carpenter. Vegetarian. Wore sandals. Ate pita bread with hummus. (I just made up the last part, but it makes sense, no?) 

There was no pomp and circumstance surrounding him.

Why don't Catholics insist the pope be more like Jesus actually was, instead of a figurehead who wears red shoes and bizarre costumes? He looks more like Santa Claus than Jesus.

Why don't Catholics have an uprising against the church hierarchy that's straight out of Wall Street and has less to do with the Sermon on the Mount than "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels"?

Catholics can revolt and make changes. Why don't they want to?