Boys

Working at the crazy pace I’d become accustomed to a few years ago, I’d made it impossible to have a relationship with a new boy. How could I meet someone if all I ever did was work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep …

I was basically in survival mode; all I could think about was how not to get fired. The last thing I wanted to do was bring someone into the wreck that was my personal life.

More than that, after the end of my last relationship I wanted a break from boys. By the time my heart and work life stabilized and I realized I wanted a new person in my life, I was approaching 40 and not exactly fighting back crowds of men.

But, I told myself it was time for a new guy, and it was OK that I’d taken a break because there was always Internet dating. Surely I’d meet lots of great guys that way!

A hundred creepy dating sites later I saw how naïve it was to put all my relationship eggs in the online basket.

The Internet brings all kinds of interesting men into your life. Mostly divorced men other women had the good sense to leave.

After a while online I was asking myself all kinds of philosophical questions I never thought I’d have to ask, like, if you reap what you sow, and all I meet are jerks, does that mean I’m a jerk?

And, now that I’m 100 years old, should I go ahead and settle?

Also, if feeling that spark and getting crazy over someone in the beginning is no indication the relationship will work out, does it mean it can work out if you feel revulsion in the beginning?

Here’s one that came up a lot for me: When do you put up with a jerk and work together and grow, and when do you see the signs and run? Which kind of goes hand-in-hand with: When does someone’s strange angry random outbursts signal you to run, and when do you choose to work it out?

The more mundane parts of dating are daunting as well.

In my experience, men will pay for dinner on the first date, even if you offer to pay half. When you offer they’ll wave you off, like, “Who, me? I’d never allow the woman to pay.”

By the second date, the chivalry is dead and they’re more than willing to let you foot half the bill.

Guys should pay for everything for at least a month after you first have sex. At that point, it’s perfectly fine to start splitting expenses. Until then, if you let us pay, we will think you’re a cheap bastard and we’re usually right.

Women should heed these cues. A guy who lets you pay on the second date usually has other stingy traits as well. I’ve found that men who let you pay right away also have a mental block admitting they’re wrong about anything.

If a guy lets you pay on the second date, run, girls, run! Think about it. How much does your dinner cost anyway?

So, I looked at pictures online and read profiles and wrote my own. But what do you search for when what you want is to feel, when that person is in the room with you, even if you aren’t doing anything important, that all is right with the world?